Leader of the Irish Liberal Demoncats
Alex Codd is facing embarrassing questions over how he plans to continue funding the separate Irish Ministry of Magic. He claims he has all the money he needs to fund the ministry and all its services because, so he says, the wizards and witches are very wealthy people and supposedly most of the costs are found by people in the magic sector themselves. But as it was revealed in a leaked memo (picture courtesy of Adobe Photoshop) that wizards and witches are too wee, too stupid and too poor. So instead Alex Codd has had no option but to use Leprechaun gold which is just fake money. We all know how transient such gold is because my party used it to colour in the bird on our logo but when we jumped into bed with the Tories it quickly turned to blue and it just disappeared into nowhere. What Alex Codd has done is a great breach of the trust the electorate have put in him. I hope they see his lies and elect me instead my party never break promises do they now?
An artist's impression of Alex Codd playing with Leprechaun money.
In order to continue funding the World of Witchcraft and Wizardry, we Muggles must step in to subsidise these people. But we're not going to achieve that by the expense of a separate Irish MoM. Instead we need a merger with another such ministry, one in a country with a larger economy. That is why we should return to British rule so we can be run by a more effective and more streamlined MoM. Alex Codd claims we can do that as a separate Ireland but he knows damn well that's simply not possible. Also how are we going to successfully defend ourselves against the torrent of deatheater cyborGnats without the protection of more dementors? I mean what's wrong with being reminded a little more of traumatic memories if it means you and your family are safe at night? I mean what could possibly go wrong with dementors out on the loose? All these tales about them sucking out innocent people's souls are just plain cobblewash.
We need the British Ministry of Magic with it's unapologetically obnoxious Minister Cornelius Fudge in charge because that's the only way we can make sure Ireland's magical community knows its place, as subservient to their Muggle superiors. However, Codd does not seem to know how to take the threats coming out of the magical community seriously enough. In fact just a couple of years ago he was in denial that there was even a such thing as magic. But then we sent or resident Timelord Robin Bagpiper, formerly of the Irish Green Party, to investigate and what we discovered was truly shocking. He discovered that Alex Codd is himself a wizard, a clever magician who can trick the people of Ireland into believing they are better off as a separate nation.
Our resident Timelord, Robin Bagpiper
We know we can't trust Codd and revelations about the cost of running a separate Irish Ministry of Magic prove this. We know he has a lot to answer for regarding some recent dark activity in Ireland's magical community. Just last week, after eminent Magic encyclopaedist, Jake AR Owling generously donated €1 million to Better Back Together she received so many death threats from the Gnats that we were forced to offer her shelter in our underground bunker that we have specially constructed in the event a nuclear accident that results from the relocation of Trident missiles to a new Irish base that will be its home when Ireland becomes part of the UK.
So the message is clear. If you want an effective Ministry of Magic you should do the honourable and patriotic thing which is to vote for Ireland to become part of a fantastic outward looking empire, the greatest the world has ever seen.
Militant death-eating CyborGnats
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