Shrek and Shrak. Long lost brothers united for a common cause - to hunt down Bliar O'Dougall's long lost doughnuts.
Speaking on a phone line to Radio 4's Today programme, Spyers intially refused to comment but after receiving the BBC's infamous politicians treatment he was left with no choice but to air his views given the fact that everyone who has or attempts an Irish accent is obliged under Section 32 of the Celebrities' Code of Conduct to give an opinion about the forthcoming referendum no matter how irrelevant it is to them. We are also expecting the other actors who have portrayed characters with crappy Irish accents to be giving their views on the matter soon including Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Gerard Butler, Julia Roberts, Justin Theroux and David Boreanaz although Sean Connery is not expected to be pressed on the matter as he is probably a splittist so his views don't matter to us.
Commenting, Spike Spyers said "Obviously I absolutely love every aspect of Irish culture except its sense of self-determination. However, England's a greater country than Ireland and I'd be very sad
if Ireland wasn't to become a part of that greatness. The greatness of England flows through to Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland by belonging to the institutions of London. Who wouldn't want to say their capital city is London? I mean I envy you for not throwing away the pleasure of drinking tea like we did in Boston Harbour back in the 18th Century. Sorry, what's that you say? Oh right I forgot, I'm Canadian. But still people think Canada is part of America because America is of course such a great country. Yet America would have been an even greater country if it hadn't separated from Great Britain. You'd have had Tim Howard saving all of the goals that Luis
Suarez' and Mario Ballotelli scored against you.
The actors we believe should be given an honorary right to vote in the referendum simply for putting on an Irish accent.
Responding to Spike Spyers' intervention, Labour's wannabe Foreign-Secretary and Better Back Together's Chief Codd-hater Douglas Nicholas remarked: "It is fitting how the voice of Shrek has come out against continued Irish seperation because despite being the voice of some green mythical beast he has come right back to reality and now the only person truly living in the fairytale kingdom of Far Far Away is Alex Codd. He just cannot answer questions about how Ireland can continue to afford being independent and sooner or later the people of Ireland are going to realise what a mistake it is that their nation is sovereign, that Westminster aren't in charge of their welfare and defence. Meanwhile he is busy trying to stop people from even staying in touch with their foreign relatives in England. I may not have the evidence to prove it but I am convinced that Alex Codd is blocking all postal and telecommunication link to the UK. Don't bother to check if I'm telling you the truth because you'll just be wasting your time if you try contacting your foreign relatives. And people across our seperate nation are refusing to look out for their relatives in Britain because what Britishness we have left in us from the old empire days stops us from having any consideration towards foreigners."
Douglas Nicholas - appointed by Jake AR Owling to hunt down evil CyborGnats
If you agree with Spike Spyers that England knows how to govern Ireland better than ourselves then please join Better Back Together and start knocking on people's doors with a list of scare stories
from Far Far Away. We welcome your contribution to Project Fear and the person with the most imaginative and ludicrous scare story wins a special prize but we cannot tell you what that prize because as you know we are a very secretive organisation.
Anyway more and more celebrities are supporting our cause, real Irish celebrities as well as many more fake Irish celebrities. They are all declaring their love for us and saying to us 'Ireland, we t'ink you are better back together with your big brother, good old Shrek Britain.'
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