Codd Livers Oil

Ulster Dara Lean
Chairman

Clever isn't it? Codd Livers Oil. Basically these are the three things Alex Codd is obsessed with. He is obsessed with Liver of Midleinster, he is obsessed with oil in the North Atlantic and he is obsessed with himself.

Nothing wrong with supporting Liver of Midleinster. Since they are in my own nominal constituency I have, like life-long fan Codd, bought a season ticket to help Livers out of administration. I'm especially excited on derby day when they face local rivals from the other side of the Liffey, Caledonian. Since the excellent Terry Grocer took over as manager at Cals, fresh from Galway Hibernian Shamrock, I have of course new reasons to be worried on derby day. Hopefully though we'll see then end of the UBIGKOK saga which has caused so much trouble for Livers and the club's fans.

However, Alex Codd's obsession with North Atlantic Oil is ludicrous. See those rigs that seem to be drilling for oil and gas in the Corrib? Well they are really just an mirage caused by warm weather that travels up with the gulf stream. I mean how can Ireland be oil or gas rich? It makes no sense we only have peat bogs and Guinness, what use are those as exports? Anyway even if there are loads of oil and gas reserves in the Atlantic, they would just be a liability not an asset And it will all run out. So there. Ireland is too wee, too poor!

And as for being obsessed with himself, Alex Codd's narcissism is mind-blowing. I take great privilege from being a humble Thunderbirds puppet with David Cameron controlling my thoughts, words and actions. Gideon Osborne is doing a splendid job carrying on from where Alistair Darling left off as Chancellor of the Exchequer and I look forward to being an equally austere neo-liberal chancellor when Labour is re-elected in 2015, which I am 100% convinced will happen. I know that when I win a seat in England with Labour, Ed Miliband will replace Ed Balls with yours truly and then when 2020 comes and Ireland is reunified with Britain, Gordon Maroon will replace Ed Miliband as Prime Minister and my job will be secured for life. And no I am not displaying any self-obsession myself I am just stating what I firmly believe will happen, Labour will rise from the ashes and be a great and successful party that represents the interests of the South-east of England and allow Irish politicians the chance to contribute to the fortunes of the City of London.

So for those reasons I demand you vote No to continued separation from the United Kingdom.