Des Lynam joins Better Back Together

Although originally from County Clare, Desmond Lynam found his niche in County Down on its eponymous gameshow, CountDown. Until Richard Whitley's sad death it had been filmed in Leeds but when the producers of Yorkshire Pudding TV hired Des they discovered they accidentally agreed a contract with Des Lynam that made sure production of the gameshow was moved to a studio at Bangor in good old loyal Ulster. This allowed for more integration between UTV and mainland UK's independent TV networks so that Ulster's Channel 4 viewers could now be converted to a diet of Unionist propaganda. Whilst in County Down he also regularly guest-edited the local loyalist paper, The Daily Bangor Sandmash.

 

Des Lynam grandstanding in that great English institution, the BBC

 

Before that Des was presenter of the BBC's Grandstand showing all the great sporting action in England which we have been denied here in separate Ireland. Thanks to his, and only his influence, we got to watch these things on the RTE iPlayer. He was also a presenter of the BBC's coverage of the 1998 World Cup in France but declined to reappear four years later in Japan and Korea where both England and Ireland had qualified thus creating the discomfort of split loyalties, an experience matched only by Sven Goran Eriksson when England played against Sweden.

Born in 1942, Desmond Michael Lynam is old enough to remember the good old days when we were all together as one before those awful republicans decided to end our great loyalty to the British clown in 1949. He therefore qualifies for a full knighthood and already holds an OBE.

His experience in broadcasting has led to his impassioned belief that Great Britain and Ireland should once again be united as a single country and that Britannia should rule supreme over all Europe and even the World. This belief has driven him into strong right-wing politics and he is now a fully signed-up member of UKIP.



Des Lynam presenting another English sports show

Here's what he told our blogger:

"We really will have the best of both worlds as part of the UK. I live here in Brighton but my heart is back in County Clare. I don't want my heart and my body to be in two different countries, that's just weird!

I think Alex Codd lives in the past. I mean is he really right to complain about wrongs he thinks were done to the Irish when most of us believe it was all just an elaborately fabricated conspiracy to try and discredit the British government. And for all those people to leave our great and glorious United Kingdom for some other country that isn't even 250 years old when we've got all the great imperial history over here. People who complain about the Famine should remember that if it was really as bad as people say it was the Government would have spent a lot more on compensation for any misery caused than statues erected in Hyde Park, wouldn't they?

RTE is such a disappointment in Ireland. I mean you don't get any of the quality coverage that British television provides, Irish television is just so parochial and inward looking and even Mrs Brown and her Boys had to look east to the big island for their fortune. Not only that, as a consequence of separation, our esteemed Graham Norton is too young to enjoy the thrill of a knighthood.

So that is why I say No to Irish remain-separatism and Yes to British superiority over nasty neighbouring Europe. We are Better Back Together."

 

Des Lynam and Carol Vaudeville on the set of Game of Drones which is shot in Des's County Down Studio. It was started as a modern day version of a rival Ulster-based production that has a similar sounding name. Vaudeville appears here in costume as an American general.

If you agree with Des that Ireland should become part of the United Kingdom and adopt very British values then please please please please please join our campaign or donate every last penny you earn to us. You can also phone us by dialling 55378008 on your pocket calculator and turning it upside down.